Sam Redman's Musings

Random thoughts on a variety of subjects

Maybe it went something like this…

It is often said that the man who acts as his own attorney has a fool for a client (or something like that).  Bent’s defense strategy has the ring of a bunch of teenagers caught with some petty crime (like spray painting the water tower) and all of them conspiring to get their stories straight. 

I can see Bent getting a copy of the law and going over it,

“You know, I think I can beat this thing with a little bit of creativity. Maybe just a bit of deception, but, since I’m God, I make the rules… after all,  what about that time God told Abraham to kill his son… how about that, huh?”

And after a while he calls his people together and annnounces…

“Ok… I’m looking here at the criminal code and it says ‘breast.’  Let’s all say, ‘sternum.’  Yeah, that’s it… that’s what I was touching, the ‘sternum.’  It doesn’t say it’s against the law to touch a ‘sternum’ now does it?”

“And look here… it says ‘in a position of authority.’  Well, now, I think we can all agree that ‘everyone’s in charge here’… right? Not me. Right?”

And a little shy voice in the back says,

“But, aren’t you still God? Didn’t Gawd (she pronounces it like the girl talking about Wayne at the kitchen sink in the documentary) come down and take over the old Wayne Bent?” 

And Bent  ponders a little and then replies…

“Well, yeah… sure, we all know I’m God.  But, I need some kind of a new public position on that… Lemme see… hmm, well how ’bout this? I’ll say  that even mainsteam Christianity says that ‘God is in everyone.’  Yeah, that’s the ticket… I’ll  say, ‘God’s in everybody and that’s all I meant when I’d said that God had come down into me.’  That jury’ll just think I’m just a regular old Christian Joe.”

There’s a pause while everybody digests it all, then Bent summarizes,

“Ok, so, is everybody is straight on this?  I think if we can all stick to that story… I’m home free.  Make sure those two girls understand the word, ‘sternum.’  And everybody remember… I don’t run the show here… ‘everybody does.’   Better get Gabriel to say that as a witness… he really looks believable, maybe like a prophet.”

And they all looked at Bent for a long, long time, like they were in some kind of stare contest and said in unison,

“That’s the ticket…”

And  they all went right back into that transfixed gaze on their leader.   You could hear a pin drop.  Then Bent finally broke the silence,

“And then I will go on the stand and explain how this was all a healing thing, just a little touch or two on the sternum and everyone on the jury will just look at me with my wrinkles and beard and my long hair looking like an older Jesus and hear me talking in my affected meek and mild voice and think, ‘he couldn’t hurt a fly, he’s just a guy who heals kids in the nude.’ “

And with that… they all sat smugly back and decided they had that evil prosecutor right where they wanted him.

— Sam



This entry was posted on January 8, 2009 by and tagged , , , .